DEAR BABIES if you haven't by now discovered baby classes you soon will i am in no doubt. now there are a variety of different styles of class you may get taken to, each with their own advantages and disadvantages. swimming is by far my favourite but you may enjoy a sensory or music class more; perhaps a bit of a boogie will tickle your fancy. there is one class ALL babies will go to however, and we must mention it first off: soft play. i've come to the conclusion we all go to this one because mummies get to chat to other mummies. it seemingly cheers them up. happy mummy, happy baby! this class is good for us because it allows us the freedom to explore our surroundings. jumping, climbing, running for those that can, crawling, leaping is all fabulous exercise for our growing bones so the more the better. please do not worry about falling, your mummy will come running and if not you get the attention of a different mummy which is really nice for one main reason: your mummy will see this attention and cuddle you so tightly to compensate: i think it's called jealously.
now back to swimming for one moment. it's a particularly good class because you get to splish, splosh, splash as i say. it does have the silly under the water thing going on, which sadly makes you swallow water and cough, sometimes burp too, but this aside, it's still tonnes of fun; and i love my swimming costume! oh and you'll feel all warm and sleepy afterwards.
a dance or music class you'll find is the place to develop and show off your inner performer. the adults in the class will think you are so sweet, which may not be your intention but take it as it comes with brownie points for later.
over the coming year you'll be able to read my blog where i'll be covering a new class mummy has booked me on: rugby. it's for slightly older babies but stay tuned.
DEAR BABIES; eating is essential in your life. to begin with you may have food from your mummy or from a bottle; after which you'll be fed harder foods. you can request milk whenever and wherever you wish and adults have to oblige even in the middle of the night. the optimum schedule is every hour or two but play around with your times and amounts, it keeps everyone on their toes. mummies love feeding in public places and although to you it may appear perhaps inconvenient, in the car or a shop are fabulous places to eat. the basic rule here is the more public and seemly impractical place and time to eat, the better. funny but true.
milk is a runny mixture; don't let this deter you from drinking at whatever speed you wish though. when mummy is in a rush it's really nice of you to in still some calm to the situation by slowly feeding and slowing her down a little. on the other hand it's good to feed really fast sometimes ; even if it results in tonnes of vomit afterwards; (this never hurts and actually helps if you suffer from acid indigestion) and thus allowing more time for play and cuddles.
whilst we are on the subject of vomiting; should you feel the need to throw up any feed, the car is a really good place in which to do so. your parent is busy driving; this means you have no audience and that is best for everyone! more often than not, when you try to poop you will vomit a little; again the car seat is fantastic for this. nothing nicer than releasing a poop in the car, this kind of multitasking is a brilliant use of your time. you can arrive at your destination, ready to go...
once your mummy and daddy begin to offer up squishy food, it provides you with more energy and greater opportunity to have fun with your food. pick at what you're being presented with; get your hands and face covered in it; heck even throw it. trust that mummy loves nothing better than cleaning you after a feed. after all being a mummy IS her job! feel the textures you're being feed with your tongue, fingers, nose...no body area is off limits. any snacks you're given in between feeds are usually ideal for crunching in your hand and crumbling over wherever you're sat; many babies feel the car seat is wonderful for this. and don't forget to smear any food and crumbs over a loved one as they see it as a share of your love for them.
some days you'll fancy eating avocado (just an example as it seems a great many mummies feed it to their babes; it must be very nutritious), on other days you'll hate it. this is completely normal behaviour and should be encouraged. being choosy shows independent thinking. there are times when you are really in the mood for a particular food and can't get enough of it; other days you'll favour not eating, equally fine; but your parent will try to get you to eat, so prepare yourself for this as it will involve them pulling very peculiar faces at you along with funny noises ,attempting to mimic cars and trains we think! just smile at them so not to discourage or offend; some babies will favour turning away or the shaking of the head;. all good.
for those of you babies who live with an animal, please don't forget to throw some of your dinner to the floor for these creatures every now and again. it'll earn you countless brownie points with them. one day in return rest assured they'll let you chase them or dress them in beautiful clothes. it's a win win.
DEAR BABIES there are a great many ways in which mummy and daddy will transport you to places, but the usual one is by car. you'll love it as you get your own little seat and can take all your favourite teddy bears and toys with you; awesome. plus, you can sing along to music, scream and giggle all the journey. it's at this time i need to make one important point: you must, just must fall asleep when you are reaching your destination; ideally five minutes away or less as adults think this is funny. you'll know when you're approaching it as usually mummy or daddy will say so; making it so easy to time.
as i've previously mentioned when discussing feeding, if you feel at all like vomiting then the car is such a fabulous location. it's a confined space and you can aim for things knowing you'll probably hit your preferred targets with precision. oh, and having a big poop in the car is also fun because it gets a really good response from other car sharers - usually along the lines of 'oohhh, no baby girl/boy'; makes me giggle every single time!
now, if you are travelling by your pram or stroller, you can enjoy the pleasure that is found in throwing everything you are wearing; shoes, hats, gloves...; and any toys you've bought along, out on to the floor, but please don't choose just any floor; choose wisely for maximum impact; muddy puddles like in Peppa Pig are my favourite. you should be aware however, that this can result in losing your toy for what seems like years, to the wash, although this does allow for a crying fit while you sit in front of the spinny machine watching said toy going round and round and round; i find it gets me a lovely yummy treat.
now, when i was nearly 1 whole year old i was taken on holiday which meant my first fight on a plane high up in the sky. sooo many new people to entertain! it can get a little boring but on the whole i have to say it is a rush to sore up and down and bump along. i have it on good authority that when you are over the age of 2 you get your own seat which is brilliant as you can stand on it and look behind when like magic there's a captive audience to play to.
if you get tired on a long flight you can fall asleep but do not forget to struggle, kick, punch and cry before dropping off even if it's tough and you really are exhausted; it means the difference between falling asleep in an uncomfortable seat or on a bumpy lap and in the arms of your mummy who's all warm and cuddly and as all babies know so well, smells so divine.
know it's time to inform you of the greatest form of transport ever invented: the boat. superbly simple but so vital to all babies because it allows for the greatest opportunity to vomit. the rocking motion makes it wholly acceptable to projectile vomit every single item of food that has passed your lips for days beforehand. the sympathy you'll get makes up for the hunger you undoubtedly feel.
DEAR BABIES; now your mummy and daddy (but mostly your mummy) will have read A LOT of information regarding your sleeping and what should and shouldn't happen. None of which you know about, what with your only being on the planet a short while; soooo, you can make up your own rules!
just remember, you don't have to sleep just because you are really really tired. infact, the longer you go without sleep the better. adults just adore you and want to spend as much time with you as possible; so stay awake for them.
the night time is the perfect opportunity to have quality time with your new loved ones, so let's not waste it being asleep. all good babies once they've read this manual, will adopt various ways to stop nodding off. the top way for most babies is by screaming.
screaming is a step up from crying. it has to be very loud and very continuous. a few minute is nice, but 30 is even better.
now every baby's question is when to use the scream to be most effective... a great place to start is when you are in the dark and in your cot. this quiet time with mummy or daddy is really good practice time for your skills. take regular breaths so not to choke, expand your lungs and go for it. the louder, more gutteral, the better. throw in some tears and you're guaranteed a cuddle and some kisses. to make sure you get a nursery rhyme you must, I repeat must, turn your cheeks pinky red in colour; this is best achieved by taking short breaths and screwing up your face.
there is no such thing as a regular bedtime in baby world.
your parents will let you dictate when you sleep. they may bathe and feed you and dress you for sleep, but that's just their way of being nice to you. its definitely up to you when you close your eyes and for how long. your bed isn't just for sleeping either, it's a fabulous space for play. play with your feet, the bedding and sleep suit you're in and this is genius, opt for throwing any toys and teddy bears you've been given, on to the floor; mummies love this. you'll always get a comment or two of joy from them with this.
For the older readers of this manual, when nearing the age of 1 you can also begin to talk and sing to entertain those around you. the praise you'll get for this is marvellous. this can also be good if you wake up in the early hours of the morning. singing cheers mummy and daddy right up. they think the best time of the day is between 4 and 7 am so it's a fantastic time to let those vocal cords sing out loud. if done with enough volume you may raise either parent to talk to you and maybe cuddle you which is always lovely.
sleeping during the day is absolutely optional and very much dependent on your mood. not every baby chooses to sleep in their cot, some opt for someone's chest, others in a nice rocking chair or on the sofa when a little older. the rule here is, if you really can't keep your eyes open; sleep, otherwise, it's a waste of time and there are far better things to be doing. some babies tell stories of when they missed out on something really big due to accidently falling asleep in the day. very sad stories. please try not to let this be your story!
any daytime napping should be kept short. too many good things to be getting on with... remember its best, and wholly acceptable, to nap when out and about with your keeper for the day. the car is a great location for this activity as car journeys are often dull. a great many babies deem a quick power nap upon reaching your destination is perfect as you can avoid the unnecessary greetings from those adults at said location. you'll know when you can squeeze this sleep in as the vehicle's engine will switch off to guide you.