we, like yourselves probably, go to the boring supermarket seemingly every day! i mean honestly, how much food do we need to buy?! i try my best not to add to this requirement by eating only toast but yet we still keep shopping...
each time we drive up to the store my heart sinks a little and i will freely admit i moan at mummy. makes no difference though, we still frequent regularly.
well this week i'd just had enough...as if it wasn't bad enough that i was taken from nursery to go shopping, i was expected to sit, confined, in a trolley which, for all i know thousands of bums had been squished against already that day! no...i'm sorry but i was determined not to sit in that seat. nor was i going to walk beside said trolley. nope, i wanted to push it and i don't think that was asking too much. if anything, i was helping mummy. she failed to see it this way of course. duh.
shame she didn't see it this way really as we could have avoided what was to happen... i was forced, yes you heard me right, forced to kick, scream and cry at volume to get my way...what seemed like an eternity to me (probably to mummy it felt like 2 minutes max), i was picked up and carried around the shop. i say carried but not sure being in someone's arms whilst attempting to not be in said arms, should be called carried. i managed to wiggle myself free and the rest of the shop was calm.
mmm...not really...wanted to see if you were paying attention. calm is not in my vocabulary tbh. well, we toddlers are pushing boundaries and exploring our little personalities, so what do parent's really expect. we were born to be heard!! scream out loud kiddies...
back to the shop - so i took the time to explore the various bits of floor in sainsburys by rolling and face planting at every opportunity. dusty to be fair but mummy didn't seem too bothered with my being in such close proximity with germs. she was preoccupied with her list, maneuvering around other shoppers and trolleys and, i feel rather crossly, telling me she wanted to leave me at the front desk and run away...you can not get shot of me that easily woman.
apparently - i have no real concept of time - an hour into our shop, we left empty handed. waste of my time then!! the things i could have been doing in that hour... we left our abandoned trolley and headed home. the car journey was somewhat frosty and i wasn't even allowed my music on. mummy said silence was needed as her head was banging. banging on what i have no idea but i don't see why my that should affect me; the innocent party.
i suspect my efforts that day weren't in vain however, as i've not been back to the shop again in a few days and today we had our shopping delivered by a friendly man in a huge orange van. i loved unpacking various items; although daddy said it was best not to throw anymore of the eggs on the kitchen floor if i wanted to watch peppa pig later today. still i managed 2 eggs, so not bad. my rugby coach will be proud of how my throwing's coming along...
i'm undecided as to whether i'll choose to sit in the trolley's seat next time...we'll see what mood i'm in...
we recently went on a spontaneous trip to the farm - godstone farm if you really wish to know - and
i thought i would share our experience with you lovelies! if you live locally i highly recommend it.
unfortunately, mummy wasn't feeling 100% so it was down to daddy to take the lead.
it was such a hot, sunny day you could fry eggs on the ground; you know if that's how you like to have fun!
although our trip was on a bank holiday monday - answer me this; why do banks need a holiday? - there was plenty of parking for our car and no queues; yay! we kiddies hate lines; soooo boring.
after a quickie wee stop, we saw tonnes of animals; horses, ponies, donkeys, piggies (who at certain times you can feed) , rabbits, chickens, ducks, and a few reptiles. i held and stroked - apparently giving animals a back comb is frowned apon - a guinea pig and a little fluffy bird which were sooo soft - they sell bunnies at the farm too but mummy said a very firm, and i feel, selfish No to us taking any home; a decision i plan to overturn any day...
after a scrummy lunch in my new pink yumbox - best gift from mummy in a while...i adorned mine with stickers within the hour of getting - we ate the largest icecreams i have in my 2 1/4 years on this planet, ever eaten. mummy couldn't finish hers. don't worry though daddy finished it as usual. no waste in this family!
now the best thing about this farm is the mega outdoor playground and huge sandpit. mummy said some families just come for this part and not the farm. i got to slide, climb, jump and leap around and have sooo much fun. i think my poor oldies were ready for home by this point and so we skipped to the car...well i kicked and screamed but what's in a few words hey?!
what a great day! i can't wait to return and explore more...
i think i may just have the bestest parents ever! today i was taken to the most incredible adventure park in the world - i mean i've not been to them all but this one is pretty cool so it's a safe bet this is in the top 10.
tonnes of car spaces is always a great sign of a popular business, and this has plenty. within a quick skip; i keep meaning to tell my daddy to stop that, we were inside and being greeted by a smiley lady.
the adults did the usual chit chat and then we were in. the only problem i had was with the socks - you can not be bare foot. now, i rarely wear fabric apon my tootsies so this had better be a special place.
well it is, wow.
this place houses the largest slides and coolest soft play areas dedicated to below 3 and above 3 age groups. there are mini doors into the loos for us wee ones - see what i did there! oh and into the shop...very clever idea mr or mrs artichect
after daddy accompanied me on the big blue slide 10 times, which was not enough but he was turning green; i was reluctantly, i'll use the word dragged, taken outside. well, i was again flabigasted. the utside space is massive. full of an eating area (boring) beach area, slides, bouncy pillows to jump for hours on, and some fantastic bridges and climbing structures i will call castles and forts! i spent sooo long outside time whizzed past and it was lunchtime.
i got a little lunchbox full of goodies and a very healthy portion of sweet potato chips. well i ate a meal fit for a princess. the oldies were very happy with this fayre i could tell. then it was one last play on the beach and slides.
before leaving we visited the shop and daddy purchased a few bits - he says he buys things for me, but we all know its all for him. i noticed the long queue waiting to enter; we clearly came at the right time.
i loved this hidden gem as did my mummy and daddy and before i dropped off asleep i heard them paying compliments to the establishment; which leaves me in hope we'll be returning soon.
So my mummy has been lucky this past week or two to have picked up the cold I had. I'm a giver what can I say. So we've missed a couple of my usual classes and stumbled through the rest. To be honest she's not given her all to them so in light of this and through guilt I was taken to a new soft play today. I know mummy doesn't love these places but I do and quite frankly that's all that matters.
We drove to some town called Haslemere in Surrey where we parked up and walked 30 seconds and into the holy grail of joy!! Not sure that's a thing but who cares...I'M 2!
Mummy was greated fondly and I got a little wave...i love a hand gesture dont you? The adults took their time talking gobbledegook and then...i was set free. We were very blessed as I had free run of the entire place to my little self. Time of day in school holidays I think. Awesome. I like other toddlers but didn't miss them today.
There are cars to scoot round on. Kitchen area go create your Masterchef dishes. I burnt a cheese and tomato pizza - well to much else to do who has time to cook. Mummy should be cooking for me!
I danced on an awesome floor of flashing lights and mirrors. Just adore my reflection.
Whilst mummy dearest had a coffee I zoomed up and down the climby soft area and my new favourite slide we named "moo moo". So clean which as you know I love...big fan of clean, me.
I did my usual not eating much but the range of cakes, pastas and sandwiches is grand. Mummy did buy me a snack for the car; which was healthy I promise...rice cake something or other. mmmm tasty...
All in all a lovely time was had and we plan to return with a few friends soon...
If you live near by pop in.
a few weeks ago my mummy and I were lucky to be invited to a fab place called little street. well, it's better than any street I've ever been to. if real streets were like this i'd never complain about going shopping ever again...
mummy normally says soft play and the like are where fun goes to die; but even she was delighted to be here. step down soft play there's a new and better, fun place in town.
well, as soon as we walked in I knew I'd love this place. I could tell my mummy was impressed by the cleanliness too - she's a clean freak. anyway I digress; where was I; oh yeah...I got to run around in my socks which is awesome in my opinion. great start.
kids if your big people take you to little street, and I jolly well hope they do, visit all the shops and play with everything - there's sooo much to love. I'll take you on a guided tour...
there's the cafe where you can play with the cakes and tea; pretending to serve customers and little ladies that lunch. they've probably been to the beauty salon across the street - not my cup of tea so I only briefly stuck my head in. next to the salon is one of my favourites on the street, the vets. I think a see a career on the horizon for me. it's one of the new shops and its FABULOUS! it has a sick pussy cat and a puppy with a sore leg, hamsters and more importantly a telephone! those who know me, know I adore phones. I took a few messages while I was there and booked in a sick duck. not sure who manages this place when I'm not around...!
opposite the vets is a building site where you must adorn a hard hat at all times. typical site, no builders around, probably down the cafe enjoying a tea break. I had a nosey , couldn't see what they were building, so I took it upon myself to encourage and built a wall.
the fire station, police station and air ambulance is our next stop on this tour. the tip here is to wear the official uniforms, it demands parental respect. now, I've never ridden a motorbike but boy was it fun. mummy said to power had clearly gone to my head. i cautioned her for misconduct. I went looking for a speedy motorist to pull over but no luck. I did however take a ride to the Hollywood walk of fame I think my mamma called it, all I know is it had gold stars on the floor and an ice-cream stall. both of equal greatness. i wore a paramedic's coat to munch on a strawberry ice-cream and rather yummy it was too. oh I forgot, also a brilliant rail of dressing up clothes. I pulled off, rather beautifully if I do say so myself, a princess dress; although on the large side, I rocked that dress! next time i plan on being a cowboy.
now, I've saved the best shop till the end; the supermarket. even big people love this one. now, a real supermarket is dull we'll all agree, who likes being stuck in a trolley; well here that's a big no no. here you can push the trolley and buy all kinds of foods. I filled 3 trolleys. should last me a week. the best thing is no one was manning the checkout so I got it all for free. picked up a few dolls along the way too.
I should point out at this stage, my mummy made lots of coo and ahh sounds at the toilet facilities and coffee she had. think that means she was happy.
little street my little people is fun, exciting, creative, imaginative and totally wonderful and I want to go back again today but we're busy, but soon I'll get to play there again...and I highly recommend you do the same. look out for me I'll be the blonde wearing a hard hat and dress pushing a shopping trolley and trying to lose my mummy...
Dear Mumma and Dadda,
Firstly thank you for my 2nd birthday party, the unicorn theme was the most awesome. I should say however, I don't appreciate other children playing with my toys; but you're forgiven for inviting them as you gave me cool presents.
Now I am 2 I felt I should write you a little letter to explain why my behaviour has changed; you know as a get out when I'm next in trouble.
Elders, it’s me, your anxious little (v cute) toddler. I know I don’t normally have the words to explain my behaviour and at times it probably really, really frustrates you. Mumma, I've heard you air your emotions! Anyway, I am sorry. I frustrate myself too. Truly, I do!
I am not trying to be difficult and I am not a bad kid really, but sometimes things just get overwhelming.
Like in the mornings when you ask me if I want marmite on toast or pancakes. Toast sounds good, but when I see it I know I definitely made the wrong choice and I cry and say I wanted pancakes. Decisions are hard for me and I am afraid I might make the wrong choice — and I often do. Sometimes I might go back and fourth with what I want and confuse us both.
But you see to us toddlers food is scary. You sometimes put things on my plate that look and smell weird. I get upset when I think the food is nice and smooth and then my tongue finds lumps. Sometimes this makes me want to throw up. I might spit my food out or gag. I am not trying to waste food. Sometimes food has a strong taste and I get overwhelmed. To be safe, I try to stick with foods that I have already seen and I already know how they taste in my mouth. Nanna may call me “picky” — I don’t know what that means, but if it means not gagging or tasting yucky food — then yes, I am! And proud to be. She probably eats anything put in front of her I don't know, but I do not!
I like to know where you are. I follow you everywhere. When you leave the room I get scared because I don’t feel 100% safe still. I know when you are with me, you’ll keep me safe. I trust you. Sometimes I don’t play because I want to make sure I know where you are going. I hate it when you go to the bathroom and don’t let me in. Only my little fingers can get under the door. I wish I could squish my whole self under but I'm guessing that would hurt. I stay very close now so you don’t have time to disappear.
The potty is not my friend. We have not been formally introduced but if we were I would not add her to my Christmas card list. I don’t know why you want me to sit on that scary thing with a huge hole anyway. I mean what if I fall and am lost FOREVER!. What if it swallows me. What if bugs come out of it. What if I have to wipe and can’t get clean. I am okay with peeing really fast, but I don’t like to sit there and poop.
Sometimes it hurts my bottom to poop, so I just hold it in. Sometimes I hold it in for so long, small little poop balls fall out of my pants. I know you think that is gross - but I can’t help it. Sometimes I hold my pee and poop and it starts to hurt. I bounce around and hold my bottom and you tell me to go - but I tell you I don’t have to go. There is no way I am sitting on that scary potty. Nappies are brilliant inventions so why rock my boat.
Night time is the scariest time of day. Everything gets dark and you put me in a room all by myself. I worry there might be bugs in my room. Scary things are in the corners, but you tell me they are “shadows” - whatever that means. You tell me you will keep me safe, but then you leave. Am I safe if you are not with me? Are there scary things that you need to protect me from?
I don’t like shutting my eyes — what if something pops out or tries to get me. Sometimes you will lie down with me, but I can’t relax because I know if I close my eyes you will leave! I listen and feel for the bed to move so I can catch you before you leave. Sometimes I see you trying to sneak out, but I cry and get you back in bed! Stop trying to out wit me and leave. You never can.
I know dressing me is a hassle too. Trust me — it is a hassle for me also. Whose idea was it that we should all wear clothes? I love to just run around naked. You tell me I have to at least wear underwear. Whatever! Socks are the worst. Why should I wear these things that make my feet hot and have big bumps on my toes. I can feel these bumps in my shoes.
Speaking of shoes! Ugh — don’t get me started on that crazy invention! I hate shoes. Okay not totally true. They do look lovely in all their different colours but I don't need to wear them. Sometimes they feel too loose, sometimes they are too tight. I want my feet to breath — so I'll stick to wearing my new flip flops please. I wish I could wear those all year.
The things you mumma call “tags” are another huge problem. Who thought it would be a good idea to have an itchy piece of fabric attached to all my clothes. I can feel it scratching my back as I walk. I try to rip at it and finally just rip off the whole t-shirt. You yell at me to put my clothes back on. I hate clothes. I hate your yelling.
I don’t deal well with change. I have been meaning to talk to you about this. Don’t tell me we are going to the park and then tell me we “ran out of time.” Where did time run off to?
Sometimes I am just getting into something and you tell me to clean up. I can’t leave my square half done. My square still needs that pink feather glued to it and I wanted to add the sparkles too. There is no way I am leaving my square! We battle a lot. I win sometimes.
I know some of these things can get very annoying. I am new to this weird world and I am just learning how to adapt and get around. Sometimes the sounds, smells and noises of life scare me. New experiences can be overwhelming and worry me.
I see so many things that can hurt me. Things you may not think are scary but are scary to me. Like the ducks at the farm or the loud truck. I know you tell me it is “just this” or “just that” — but I don’t know that — I am just learning. Give me a little break please. I will grow out of this phase. Before you know it I'll be 3 and all grown up...
So be patient with me mumma and dadda. Pick your battles please. Talk in a calming voice — even when I am screaming at the top of my lungs. You are my anchor in my crazy little world — actually you are my world!; and one day I will really really appreciate what you are doing for me I promise!
monday's lesson has begun...
Things we need to teach our parents
1. Time is actually not linear. God knows why a great many of them haven't sussed this yet. But it's a well known fact with us little ones. When mummy is trying to get me to just put my shoes and socks on, seconds turn into loooong minutes. How long does she realistically want me to sit for! We will be late.
Just except this big people and you'll feel less anxious.
But on the other hand know that our our naps fly by in the blink of an eye. Mums will have evidently no time to tidy up. which is most definitely what my mum should be doing in naptime. And don’t even get me started on the hours between 5pm and 7pm. It is an actual mathematical fact that they are the longest hours of the day and yet big people all across the world have not understood this yet. A trick here is to reiterate this lesson by behaving like total maniacs at this time. Just in case mummy didn’t notice the eternal hours stretched out in front of her before the universally recognised bedtime of 730pm. Don't feel guilty, it's our job to teach...
2. You can actually tell what someone has had to eat by their poo; which is why ours gets collected up in nappies. I’ll leave it at that but it sort of leads into point 3…
3. We can eat a great deal more than couscous and yoghurts. I personally enjoy mud and flowers with an appetiser of a dog biscuit. I have a friend who enjoys his own poop. not my cup of tea but what ever floats your boat babies!
4. The order parents maintain in their life is not as important as they think it may be. Nothing falls apart if they don’t get the washing done. No one dies if the dishwasher is not unloaded (unless, of course, someone has been loaded into the dishwasher, then that may lead to injury and possibly death; albeit it would be a very funny way to go!).
5. Most things adults say to a two year old are fundamentally WRONG. The number of times my mummy has said something totally insane...my god!
Mummy-‘ Do you want your pink plate or the purple plate?’
Mummy gives me the pink plate
Me- ‘No want that one’ - a girl's entitled to change her mind!
Points at purple plate.
Mummy- ‘That’s the pink one’
Me- ‘No t’isn’t, it’s urple’.
Far be it for me to point out the blindingly obvious fact that after 40 plus (how old is my mummy anyway?) additional years on this planet she has a real disadvantage on the old colour recognition game front because her eyes are OOOOLLLLDDDD. But seriously it's our responsibility to teach even the stupid...
To us big people are annoying sidekicks following us round and telling us stuff they believe to be true but we know is completely inaccurate and fundamentally wrong.
6. To a 2 year old any kind of agreement, made by virtue of a grunt, nod, or a verbal we’ll remember, RIGHT, and is legally binding. Parents agree to stuff and hope we forget but despite the fact that sometimes we can’t remember where they left our favourite toy we WILL remember that we were promised a treat 6 weeks ago when mummy was trying to pack the shopping away while simultaneously chatting with me and cooking dinner.
Be ready to show that we know when to strike with requests and we will remember anything in the affirmative. Sadly a great many mums know not to be tricked into agreeing to anything at any cost. Move on to the weaker parent who doesn't know as much: Daddy.
7. There is nothing heavier and more awkward to manoeuvre than a hyperactic cocker spaniel and a toddler having a tantrum; the prime time to get what you want babies is when mummy is otherwise engaged and probably at her melting point. Ask mummy and you shall receive. Teach her that it's important to share.
9. How to be observant. Parents don't spend enough time looking for minuscule ‘ouchies’ on our tiny hands and knobbly knees, I think. When I say minuscule, these things are harder to locate than a wireless network signal in North Korea. BUT it is their job to seek and find, how else do our little tummies get treats?
10. Some people are indeed worth melting for (a quote from Frozen for the readers not indoctrinated by Disney YET!). All little people are worth the endless days, sleepless nights, backbreaking carrying and mind numbing boredom. Our biggies wouldn’t do this gig for anyone else. (Except maybe Tom Hardy. My mummy would probably do it for him, although I would question why he needed carrying; bit weird.)
This is just a snapshot of what we children need to teach adults... they need to take on some of our toddlerness and learn to chill.
We toddlers are fascinatingly funny little creatures, aren’t we? our mummy’s could observe us in our natural habitat for hours, as we go about our busy ways, climbing on everything and having a whole load of fun making a mess of all the things they just tidied away. It is soooo brilliant to suddenly become much more mobile, and have all these opportunities to find new things to meddle with that aren’t our boring day-to-day toys.
And of course, once we’ve found something we like doing, we do it again and again…and again. So from my mummy’so ongoing observations of my actions, here’s ten toddler habits that she’s spotted (all very sweet, but ever-so-slightly strange i have to admit, but hey that’s me):
1. Wanting to wear shoes with everything, especially pyjamas. I love take them to mummy or daddy toput on, saying ‘shaaaooes!’ well if mummy wants to buy tonnes of them for me, she should expect me to want to wear those lovely little flippers.
2. Dancing along joyfully on the spot to music and clapping. god I can throw some shapes.
3. Alerting big people to the fact that it’s been about twenty minutes since my last meal by dragging my table and chair or sometimes the vegetable rack, towards her.
4. Unselfconsciously sticking my hand down mummy’s top and while rummaging around for a boob, exposing her bra, in public. And i wasn't even breastfeed: it’s more of a hint to her.
5. throwing whatever is to hand very hard at the TV or our dog. He needs to learn to move faster in my opinion.
6. pooping in my nappy and finding someone to sit upon to squidge it. Spreading the love man!
7. As well as calling the man himself Daddy, I’ll use the word to refer to a whole host of other thingsiincluding birdies, the park and most recently, a goat on TV. “nana’ is also not only to reference those yellow lovelies but is good for all fruit.
8. Bringing the remote over and nudging the oldies until they put on the only pig i ever wanna know. EVER, i mean she is quite simply awesome.
9. Emptying cupboards and drawers in seconds, then innocently saying ‘uh oh!’ if I'm caught, which i usually am. mummy's really do have eyes in the back of their heads.
10. Never wanting to sit down in the bath. Especially vital when my hair is being washed.
I just want to say to an older version of myself who may potentially be reading this – sorry if any of this is deeply embarrassing, it’s not meant to be. But remember you are only nearly two, and can't be responsible for your behaviour at such a young age.
From talking with toddlers of a similar age to me, these all seem to be pretty universal observation right?! So are there any more I’ve missed? What’s the oddest thing you do?...
DEAR BABIES, here's an important lesson for you all to heed in not sharing.
We already know that parents tend to be hypocritical when it comes to rules. Try not to hold it against them as most of their actions are born from a crippling fear that they'll raise an embarrassment not a well rounded human.
But last week a line was crossed.
I was in my nursery's garden this afternoon building a desert city with an awesome moat, when a "I'm changing the world one poo at a time" wet nappy wearing NON WALKER crawled over and put his mitts on my red watering can. Mummy who came to drag me home. witnessed this and In my dreams she would have yelled: "Hey baldy, get away from my kid's toys" and pushed him gently on to his back, but no. When I went to pull it away from him and strike his Charlie Brown head with my can she not only humiliated me by catching my arm mid-push but sang "We Share darling!" softly in my ear.
Now, I understand that mums and dads behave like caricatured versions of themselves in public trying their hardest to emulate the bubble gum disciplinarian Mary Poppins in order to earn the respect of their peers, but this was ridiculous and I am outraged.
Why should I share? Do we live in communist Russia? Did everyone at the park chip in fifty pence so that I could have these. Why do I owe this kid a nano second with this toy?
...it's to teach me kindness and generosity. Yeah because I'm really feeling charitable right now. Forced philanthropy. That seems like a wonderful idea. Maybe we should donate some of mummy's shoes and daddy's "collectables, aka star wars figures.
I've been asking for a tic tac for MONTHS and even though I know my mum's bag is full of them, have been denied repeatedly. I can't get a sip of fizzy water. The buttons on the washing machine are off limits and don't get me started on the oven dials. seems like this "sharing" concept only applies to yours truly.
If you're reading this and you don't understand what I'm on about then you are probably the kid i’m on about. Well kid rest assured that I do not and probably never will have a toy with your name on it. Next time I see you at the sand pit bring your own toys and steer clear of me.
DEAR BABIES a hobby enjoyed by big people Is making us little people do things. by now you’ll be well aware my mummy is queen at this. Unfortunately mummy's and daddy's have collectively decided that forced remorse is a morality building exercise. It's a common misconception, well a lie, amongst adults that if you require someone to say "I'm sorry" enough times, they'll eventually mean it. Do not believe such a false claim.
They self-righteously drag you over to the kid whose giant head connected with your foot or whose eyes magnetically attracted the sand from your bucket and whisper, "Say you're sorry!"
Or like a puppy being forced to face its stinking excrement, they'll pull you to the site of your latest masterpiece, toilet paper extravaganza if you will, and require you to say "SORRY" to them, the wind, an unseen deity...who knows who this penance is being directed toward.
i had just such an experience this week at a music class with another attendee. We had a brief but intimidating face off and I'm a busy little girl with more important things to do than be stared at by a boy. Sorry baby boys. You Know It's True. I pushed him out of my way. Just gently you understand, but he fell like a deck of cards and used his crocodile tears to full effect; on this point i give him a round of applause.
Well my mummy was far from happy it turned out. It was suggested i offer up an apology.
I know apologies aren’t effective because I've seen daddy apologize to mummy ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS without even knowing what he's saying sorry for. It's pathetic.
Daddy: I'm really sorry.
Mummy: Sorry for what? (pop quiz time, folks!)
Daddy: (stammering and smiling out of fear) Sorry because...uh-ah, what we talked about, I should have been more..been less...I'm very sorry. ice cream?
In those sad exchanges, it's clear to everyone in the room except my mother that what daddy means to say is:
Daddy: I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're crazy. I'm even more sorry that from time to time you draw me into your land of crazy increasing its population from 1 to 2.
It's no different for us dear babies. We're not sorry we poured glue into a brand new family-sized box of CornFlakes. We were simply making science. I'm not sorry that qhen the mood takes me one day i will probably explode a big pillow with kiddy scissors. Pillows are family property and I'm part of this family.
babies whether you're mummy is holding your upper arm in a death grip or doing her In-public calm parent act at the shops ("What do you say, honey bunny?"), know this: we only ever apologise so that life can go on, but we in no way feel any regret.
Below is a handy guide for translating some fake apologies. Feel free to use...
When I Say "I'm Sorry" I really mean:
I'm sorry I got caught
I'm sorry you have enough energy to care
I'm sorry I didn't run faster
I'm sorry I did that in front of you
I'm sorry I didn't eat the evidence
I'm sorry you have no sense of humour
I'm sorry you lack a spirit of adventure
I'm sorry you are obsessed with "clean"
I'm sorry kids can't be kids
I'm sorry you have such high standards
I'm sorry your rules are too boring/complicated to follow
to other babies at the park, in a class or at your nursery:
I'm sorry you're no fun
I'm sorry you don't know the difference between personal and communal property
I'm sorry your snack looked delicious and your reflexes are slow
I'm sorry you were in my way
I'm sorry I had to punish you...
sorry is the hardest word babies!