DEAR BABIES this weekend i have learned a lot. now, I’ve only been a toddler for about one year, and before that a baby, but I can already say this with certainty: loving your big people does not mean they won’t get on your nerves sometimes.
Their aggravating ways, which are probably ingrained in them from birth, are at full throttle in adulthood, when meltdowns and chaos and battles of wills are the norm rather than the exception.
But there’s a silver lining little ones. Despite the fact that they drive you bonkers, these exasperating childish behaviours are actually really important to your learning and emotional development.
So remind yourself of these the next time you’re ready to rip what little hair you have, out!
for example, my mummy and daddy, in the short spells of time between the out-of-the-house activities, mummy has planned, insist on reading the same book over and over again. or singing the same song, god help us. it's at this juncture i slap my hands against my cheeks. i recommend trying it babies; it truly helps rid you of frustration. also most of the time just indulge them in this repetition because it does actually seem to help with our speech development. amazing hey. plus, parents seem to find joy in knowing what comes next so they can pull funny faces.
now, this weekend was manic as usual. why we have to be engaged in so much activity babies i will never work out. if you ever do, please email me. i'd be extremely grateful. saturday we went shopping which once again involved me sitting in a trolley. i always keep myself entertained by kicking pusher of said trolley. plus, as all babies know , this is our environment in which to communicate with other young ones in the vicinity. it's on par with animals in the wild. and if it's good enough for those clever creatures...next we went to see some more animals. i think it is possible to get sick of stroking a lamb you know. but it keeps those who make us meals happy and we do need to eat. one does what one has to.
sunday was a wild day at a new adventure park. for those of you who have been to such a place. wow! why was i never told they existed. so much to see and do. slides galore. more flaming animals! are there any actual animals left in the wild? anyway, the slides (have i mentioned those already...), the trampoline, swings, a great train ride - although i sensed pretty soon after we sat on it that daddy was a little scared, so i climbed on to his lap - and ice cream! what's not to like about this day. it was soooo good that i was pretty good too. now, don't go thinking i let down the side of kids all over the world here, i did have a mini breakdown when daddy was purchasing some donuts i think, for his dinner; not sure why i have to eat couscous and he gets sugar but you choose your battles in this life. this episode involved strangers getting out of my way, both mummy and daddy trying to pick me up and tears; i think you get the gist.
when you find yourselves, one sunny day at an adventure park, think back to my day and heed my advice: stare out the person distributing yummy snacks we don't usually get to smell let alone eat, even when it gets awkward. jump on everything you can, climb high enough that mummy starts panicking, run faster than you have ever before and, now this one is golden: never wear the hat they keep shoving on your head. you don't and will never need it. EVER.
DEAR BABIES what a weekend of stress hey? did you have to give gifts and makes cards for your mummy too? as if we don't have enough to be getting on with. apparently, being our carers warrants celebration once a year. where's our day hey?
regardless, daddy had bought a few gifts on my behalf that i handed to mummy. naturally i took all the recognition. my advice to other babies is to hand over said gifts with a hugely cute smile on your face and then extend your arms out for a cuddle. you'll get smothered in love all day. ahhh... i now get it - the big people claim this day is for mummys but really it's our day after all. fantastic.
so our mummys seemingly have mummys too. so off we trotted to spend some time with her - we'll call her 'older mum'. she's the one who spoils me with chocolate buttons (and not the dark, organic, low sugar rubbish mummy buys me) and Quaver crisps. yummy in my tummy. i was my typical sunny self on the journey but once i we were at the older mum's house, i made my presence felt by madly running around, getting into everything and pulling entire contents of all storage out. although, as all we babies know, it's good fun putting it all away again but shhhh don't let on to the big people.
i decided on route to nanas not to sleep that day and i stuck to this. it's mummy's day after all and she wanted to have me around as much as possible. we're are true givers aren't we.
daddy wasn't around much this weekend. his gift to mummy i think. so we two ladies went to see the ducks and swans. lovely creatures, but not so keen on babies yelling at them 'quack, quack...'. sulky little beings. we did some shopping at a craft fair. i thought the balloon we got was for me but it turns out it came with us to nana's house where it stayed. had i have known i would have pushed for a balloon of my own.
i'm going to let you in on a secret: some times we get taken into nursery at the weekend! i know, odd. my mummy stayed with me and i showed her what i normally play with and she chatted like chickens with other mummys. fun morning. think when it's daddy's turn it'll be even more great, 'cause i can get away with way more.
DEAR BABIES I can tell by the enthusiasm with which my mum drank her black drink this morning (I felt it wasn't 100% necessary to maintain eye contact with me throughout the whole activity) that she's angry.
Last night was...eventful and apologies are in order.
The first thing I need her to apologize for is the screaming. When she noticed that I was standing by her side of the big bed like a ghost in the dark, it was entirely inappropriate to yell "what the hell!" once she sensed my presence.
It's not my fault it took her two whole minutes to realise I was there and then determine that it was me and not a young zombie standing two feet from her face.
The second thing I'd like her to apologize for is the song she sang to me two minutes later . I believe the lyrics are " humpty dumpty sat on a wall..." and not "humpty dumpty sat on my knee; humpty dumpty did a big wee..." Are you familiar with the word "sacrilege"? That was very rude and I was hurt by the alternative lyrics!
If my mummy apologies today, I won't have to tell daddy and nana about the swear words. I don't know what "ducking hell" means, but she said it more than once and I could tell by the tone that it was not friendly. Same goes for "holy mitt" Saying it under your breath doesn't make it less damaging to my gentle spirit and nothing about last night was "mitt".
I'd also like my mummy to apologize for being bra less during our twilight bonding. I know I came from her body, I remember clearly, but a lot has changed since those good old days. I didn't know what I was looking at and it scared me. A lot. Next time I hope she's covered.
I'm not the only person mummy offended last night. I know she thought I was asleep when she drop kicked "Freddy the teddy" down the stairs; but I was not. How do big people live with themselves?
I'm confident that with her WRITTEN apology we can move past last night and focus on having a fun evening of her trying to get me to eat! .
DEAR BABIES this weekend was very different for me and i think it important to share some tips with you concerning it. So firstly my mummy and daddy left me at home. Sadly not alone. You'd think i was untrust worthy or something. No my nana and uncle came to stay. Wooohooo. Love these guys. Usually you'll agree with me, grown ups are just plain weird. Not this pair. Whilst most moan about being tired and needing more sleep; these two are up before me in the morning! They fit in so much each day, I'm the one in need of sleep. My uncle plays with me and my toys tonnes, in fact I sit in awe of his staying power.
Now on this point; we can agree that the vast majority of baby toys are utter rubbish. I mean which silly billy thought making an imitation remote control that is nothing like the real thing was a good idea? Same goes for a laptop and mobile phone. Poor effort, guys, poor effort. In fact, grown-ups should just save their money because there’s already a world of play in our own homes. If they can honestly find us something more fun than rifling through the bin, throwing socks down the toilet or pulling all the tins out of the cupboard then give us a call. But I really don’t fancy their chances.
Where was I: oh yeah. So I was being looked after by my nana. Good for me. Bad for her. I was poorly. All I need to say to you lovely babies is one little word: teeth! Ahhh...They are needed I believe but boy do they cause pain sometimes. I felt hot and sticky and quiet unwell. I slept more than I ever have in the daytime; but not much when it went dark. This as you probably know, messes with your head. I pushed every bit of food away from me. Urgh! Why did nana think I'd want to eat with sore gums. Silly nana.
I did play a little bit between sleeps and crying. Well a girl's got to have a little fun, right! Oh and in case you're unaware; i found out that book's are meant to be loved and enjoyed but apparently NOT licked or torn. Which if you ask me is totally rubbish, frankly, and truly indicative of our nanny state. If you come across a book today, give it a big wet lick from me...use all that dribble from teething!
mummy has had me wearing various sizes (and i've lost a few along the way!) amber anklets from amazon.
who knows if they work but get your mummy to get you one - it may or may not help, but we swear by it and i love playing with it, flinging it across the room and sucking on it.
DEAR BABIES weekends are fab aren't they? Usually your daddy is around more and you get taken to new places and see new faces. On Saturday I was introduced to some creepy crawlies. Apparently we babies under 3 are not responsible enough to hold a spider BUT I did touch a snake. To compare it's skin I stroked everything I could the rest of the day - research on behalf of all babies - it was the softest thing I felt other than my mummy's face the whole day.
Now some advice on public transport: trains in particular. On Sunday, so I 'could experience different types of transport', we went on a choo choo train. It was soooo great. Although it was busy so mummy and I sat in a really quiet area. I was very good and sat in silence. Now as you know by now, I am not usually silent. But I was enjoying a lovely cuddle with my mummy. I did have a giggle when we were standing to leave by shouting 'byebye' and waving to everyone. Think a few faces could have smiled. Moody big people. Life's good. Smile. Adults. Wish I had been noisier now, or pooed! Anyway, advise: trains go super fast and are crammed with people you can interact with; if you don't sit in a boring seat like we did! So smile and be cheeky with as many new faces as possible. This way if you should poop or puke, you'll probably be forgiven.
Speaking of poop. Last night i pooped in my bubble bath much to daddy's disapproval. Mummy thought it more funny. Think she is more used to my poo. If you can, hold off pooping though until near the end of bathing, probably best otherwise it cuts your fun short.
DEAR BABIES I can't quite believe the busy week I've had. Firstly, I started another day at nursery. I looooove my nursery. My key worker is lovely. Her name's Holly. This is actually a really good place for me to begin today's blog: when you go to nursery, at whatever age, you can get away with murder! Honestly, there are other babies to blame naughty things on. I don't allow the adults to leave me alone for a nano second. I cry and scream when they try to go on a break. I'm sorry but if you need a wee wee wear a nappy like we babies do. Oh and my, the toys are everywhere and unlike at home you are actively encouraged to make a mess. The only problem I have yet to encounter with nursery is you have to share toys with other babies; but if you have a brother or sister at home you'll already be doing this. I'm lucky mummy only wants me. Well I am enough!
I've done 6 classes this week. Mummy is still on a bid to tire me out. She'll soon learn, in the meantime I'll just enjoy the perks!
What else: Oh yes, I learned a new trick in swimming. If you slap your mummy's boobies really hard when she's in the water, the splash is awesome and it makes her laugh. Oh and here's another tip for you to try: put a ball or toy down your swimsuit top and the whole class erupts in smiles...
in gymnastic's class i learned to walk on the high beam for the first time - bit wobbly but it kept the instructor on her toes. when we came out of this class silly mummy had two flat tyres on her car. i know, i've no idea how she did that either! my advice in this situation babies is to remain calm until mummy get's flustered then support her in her mini panic and cry, loudly. she'll appreciate this - helps with the bonding.
DEAR BABIES, so it would appear that mummy is on some sort of mission at the moment to tire me out every day. You are all probably giggling at this knowing full well your mummy does the same. They don't realise we're on to their plan. Some days I get to go to two classes plus the park. It's awesome. It doesn't make me sleep any differently in the day though, I make sure of that by keeping myself busy with my toys whilst we are at home. I still only treat myself to a quick power nap of 20/30 minutes a few times each week. Now some of you babies reading this will need more sleep during the daytime and that's totally fine; just make sure you are spending enough quality time with ma and pa by keeping them company during the night.
so on Saturday we went to see some donkeys. they're kind of like ponies but a bit bigger, less smelly and with longer ears. of course the hat they placed on top of my little head was enormous but i still rocked that look. now, i made sure my daddy got as much out of this ride as i did by not holding on EVER. this way he had to squeeze me.
afterwards, we went to local veggie cafe and i had a yummy egg sandwich. well, some of it, some was sprinkled over the table, mummy and the floor. what fun! your mummy may be as clever as mine is; she's cottoned on to me liking to spill my drinks and now she moves said drink miles across the table out of my reach. mmm... let me know if you have any ideas on this. it has been suggested i vomit in order that she give me my drink back. not liking this idea a whole lot. i suggest crying and kicking. usually works.
if you ever find yourself in the position i was on Sunday, here are some tips. i'll set the scene first: it was a wet and windy, grey day. we were high up in the country. (parent's think highly of views it appears; babies less so!). i was not up for getting out of my nice, warm and cosy ( plus dry) stroller but i was plonked on my new micro scooter, helmet on head. NOT HAPPY. needless to say i did my following tips:
*cried at volume.
*shook my head.
*wiped my eyes as if tired.
* sat on ground.
and lastly i found a big, lovely muddy puddle and i splashed and kicked mud all up myself.
oh, and then for added measure (remember this one babies) i fell over so mud was on my hands and knees and then bottom. job done i think.
we also squeezed in a quick beach visit this weekend. (i told you my mummy was trying to tire me out). i kept my parent's on their toes though i can tell you. when on the beach, always go near the water. freaks adults out and you'll always get a cuddle. i also refused to walk far (saving my energy) instead opting for sitting and throwing sand around which is my parting advice - sand flys really well so throw up high, best to close your eyes though to protect them.
DEAR BABIES i hope you're sitting down for today's blog because it's a shocker...
big people LOVE and i do mean LOVE dressing us babies up at every given opportunity. oh and then they will want to take a 'photo of you in said costume. they'll say things to you like: 'smile' whatever mood you are in do not smile. resist. and while we're on the subject; don't stand still either, mummy and daddy will think it so funny you've made a game out of this otherwise way too simple act.
so today, March 2nd, is world book day apparently. i think this means we go to nursery ... dressed up in whatever mummy wants us to wear. i'm a person called Snow White. never heard of the woman. anyway, the dress was put on me and everyone cooed and ahhed...so must look good. all i know is i can spin and the dress goes round faster than me. love that.
whatever you're wearing today, or any day, babies, wear your clothes in style and with attitude (daddy will think this cool).
now, i'm off to get some more food on my dress, just because i can...you're probably doing the same to your clothes. great to know we're all pretty much the same isn't it.
i wonder if i can get down my slide in this get up.......
DEAR BABIES sometimes in your young life you will get gifts; birthdays, Christmas to name just two; but on occasions for, it would appear, no reason mummy and daddy will give you a lovely present. today was one of those times.
i'm too little for a bike but i got the next best thing, a micro scooter, and i love it. i was able to help mummy bling it up with stickers and i've been informed i'm to get a new bag for it too which means i can transport tonnes of my toys!
now, when one gets a scooter we are apparently supposed to scoot. who knew hey. but we're babies and therefore we are put on this earth to bring enjoyment to grown ups, which in this scenario means we don't do silly things like scoot, no no, we stand on said scooter and look adoringly up at mummy and daddy who in turn will bend and push us. please at this point smile and giggle otherwise your parents will get huffy and puffy and the likely hood of them repeating this behaviour is quite frankly remote.
whilst being pushed around is much easier than walking i admit, do not go on like this for too long. jump off and if you feel like throwing a little stomp in then do so. i favour a pout on my face and a storm off in the opposite direction as it really helps my mummy, in particular, with her exercise as she runs after me. and what baby doesn't love being chased...
don't forget if you should have a wobble and tumble off, crying and over egging the 'accident' allows adults to nurture their protective and parenting skills; plus you'll get a cuddle or some edible treat so it's all fabulous!
DEAR BABIES today started sooo well. i gave my mummy and daddy extra time with me by waking early. i know they appreciate not wasting the weekend. i got to play before breakfast which is as you no doubt know, always a good start to any day.
once we'd got the boring stuff out of the way: dressing, cleaning of teeth, breakfast; we were off to the farm to chase some animals. one, it has to be said, of my favourite past times. is it yours too? anyway, i digress... you'll be happy to hear if you've read my advise on sleeping and travelling, that i fell asleep a few minutes before arriving at the farm and again 5 minutes from home later on. oh a small poop was had at a most inconvenient time.
so it turns out pigs don't like to be chased but chickens and ducks sooo do. they cluck and run around. such fun. oh, a word of warning, should you ever come into contact with a pony, stroke it as your own risk as they nip. having said this i got a 'babychinco' for crying at this nibble so it's not all bad.
the farm by the way is the best place to wear a raincoat, wellies and a hat. it was rainy and windy today; don't think my parents thought this farm visit through if i'm entirely honest, but it turned out to be great fun albeit cold.
i've attached a picture of me and my new clucky friends...