DEAR BABIES there are a great many ways in which mummy and daddy will transport you to places, but the usual one is by car. you'll love it as you get your own little seat and can take all your favourite teddy bears and toys with you; awesome. plus, you can sing along to music, scream and giggle all the journey. it's at this time i need to make one important point: you must, just must fall asleep when you are reaching your destination; ideally five minutes away or less as adults think this is funny. you'll know when you're approaching it as usually mummy or daddy will say so; making it so easy to time.
as i've previously mentioned when discussing feeding, if you feel at all like vomiting then the car is such a fabulous location. it's a confined space and you can aim for things knowing you'll probably hit your preferred targets with precision. oh, and having a big poop in the car is also fun because it gets a really good response from other car sharers - usually along the lines of 'oohhh, no baby girl/boy'; makes me giggle every single time!
now, if you are travelling by your pram or stroller, you can enjoy the pleasure that is found in throwing everything you are wearing; shoes, hats, gloves...; and any toys you've bought along, out on to the floor, but please don't choose just any floor; choose wisely for maximum impact; muddy puddles like in Peppa Pig are my favourite. you should be aware however, that this can result in losing your toy for what seems like years, to the wash, although this does allow for a crying fit while you sit in front of the spinny machine watching said toy going round and round and round; i find it gets me a lovely yummy treat.
now, when i was nearly 1 whole year old i was taken on holiday which meant my first fight on a plane high up in the sky. sooo many new people to entertain! it can get a little boring but on the whole i have to say it is a rush to sore up and down and bump along. i have it on good authority that when you are over the age of 2 you get your own seat which is brilliant as you can stand on it and look behind when like magic there's a captive audience to play to.
if you get tired on a long flight you can fall asleep but do not forget to struggle, kick, punch and cry before dropping off even if it's tough and you really are exhausted; it means the difference between falling asleep in an uncomfortable seat or on a bumpy lap and in the arms of your mummy who's all warm and cuddly and as all babies know so well, smells so divine.
know it's time to inform you of the greatest form of transport ever invented: the boat. superbly simple but so vital to all babies because it allows for the greatest opportunity to vomit. the rocking motion makes it wholly acceptable to projectile vomit every single item of food that has passed your lips for days beforehand. the sympathy you'll get makes up for the hunger you undoubtedly feel.