DEAR BABIES I can tell by the enthusiasm with which my mum drank her black drink this morning (I felt it wasn't 100% necessary to maintain eye contact with me throughout the whole activity) that she's angry.
Last night was...eventful and apologies are in order.
The first thing I need her to apologize for is the screaming. When she noticed that I was standing by her side of the big bed like a ghost in the dark, it was entirely inappropriate to yell "what the hell!" once she sensed my presence.
It's not my fault it took her two whole minutes to realise I was there and then determine that it was me and not a young zombie standing two feet from her face.
The second thing I'd like her to apologize for is the song she sang to me two minutes later . I believe the lyrics are " humpty dumpty sat on a wall..." and not "humpty dumpty sat on my knee; humpty dumpty did a big wee..." Are you familiar with the word "sacrilege"? That was very rude and I was hurt by the alternative lyrics!
If my mummy apologies today, I won't have to tell daddy and nana about the swear words. I don't know what "ducking hell" means, but she said it more than once and I could tell by the tone that it was not friendly. Same goes for "holy mitt" Saying it under your breath doesn't make it less damaging to my gentle spirit and nothing about last night was "mitt".
I'd also like my mummy to apologize for being bra less during our twilight bonding. I know I came from her body, I remember clearly, but a lot has changed since those good old days. I didn't know what I was looking at and it scared me. A lot. Next time I hope she's covered.
I'm not the only person mummy offended last night. I know she thought I was asleep when she drop kicked "Freddy the teddy" down the stairs; but I was not. How do big people live with themselves?
I'm confident that with her WRITTEN apology we can move past last night and focus on having a fun evening of her trying to get me to eat! .